The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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