Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Randomize
