we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
