Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
