in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
