gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
