my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
