You know, be my cock's hype man.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
