I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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