i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
