I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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