At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
