you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
