Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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