chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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