this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
