Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
lets start a swedish sibling band together
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
