His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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