Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
