you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
