I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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