We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
