I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Holy shit dude........stairs
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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