is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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