I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
