I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
