I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
