i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
