You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
