Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
