It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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