you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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