Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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