I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
