Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
