I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
