Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
