I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
