I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
