my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
