we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
