what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
