he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
