if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
