Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I hate all girls vehemently.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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