Yo dont text me then not text me
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
