i think i have herpe
just one?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
