Can i not drive my cunt home
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
