smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you win again, gameday.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
