She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
