Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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