you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
