man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
